Deuteronomy xxiii – The rules beyond the commandments… are you living up to them?
The Bible will be in bold, I’ll be in Italics
Exclusion From the Assembly
1 No one who has been emasculated by crushing or cutting may enter the assembly of the LORD.
Lets define the big word first so we are all on the same page… Emasculation is the removal of the genitalia of a male, notably the penis and/or the testicles, either by surgery, violence, or by accident (see castration). By extension, it also means to render less of a man, or to make a male feel less of a man by subjecting him to humiliation.
So, you can not go to Church if:
You have had a testicle removed due to cancer “Sorry Lance Armstrong, you might live strong but no Church for you”
You have been the victim of castration: John Bobbit, no church for you
You have had a vasectomy: Sorry Charlie, better keep making good christian children.
Another thing to think about is, why is it in the bible? Was there really that big of a castrated crowd trying to get into the temples that they had to only let real men into admission. Who crushes balls? The bible was written when a common enough crime to get into the text was crushing of testicles… wow and to more “truths” hahah
2 No one born of a forbidden marriage [a](or one of illegitimate birth) nor any of his descendants may enter the assembly of the LORD, even down to the tenth generation.
Ok this is really going to limit the population in churches…. What is the bibles definition of forbidden marriage (in the past in the US that would include interracial marriage) Forbidden, as in parents didn’t approve? Forbidden as in a Jew marrying a Catholic. Now this isn’t just the unapproved marriage, this is the next 10 fucking generations. My great great grandfather, although a “good Christian” did marry his cousin. This is seen here in the US as forbidden, thus I am not allowed in church and neither are my kids, grandkids, great grandkids, great great grandkids and great great great grandkids. The next part is illegitimate birth… didn’t say illegitimate conception though… so rape victims (we know from the pro-life movement must keep the child) must marry their attackers if they want to go to church, what a wonderful way to find a wife. (I think I just vomited a little in my mouth.) Any unmarried folks with kids… congrats no 10% tithing for you.
3 No Ammonite or Moabite or any of his descendants may enter the assembly of the LORD, even down to the tenth generation. 4 For they did not come to meet you with bread and water on your way when you came out of Egypt, and they hired Balaam son of Beor from Pethor in Aram Naharaim [b That is northwest Mesopotamia] to pronounce a curse on you. 5 However, the LORD your God would not listen to Balaam but turned the curse into a blessing for you, because the LORD your God loves you. 6 Do not seek a treaty of friendship with them as long as you live.
Ok who are these evil dooers?
Ammonite- An extinct kind of shell-fish or a Tribe of the Children of Ammon …… very similar and from the same region as Israelites. They were located in what is today Jordan and were allied with Moabs.
Moabite – Another tribe from the Jordanian area….
So this is why we are in Iraq?
7 Do not abhor an Edomite, for he is your brother. Do not abhor an Egyptian, because you lived as an alien in his country. 8 The third generation of children born to them may enter the assembly of the LORD.
Edomite: A tribe/kingdom from what is today Israel that was not of Jewish Faith and preferred to worship a mountain god (western Semitic) called Kaus. Basically disappeared during the Roman occupation of the region (possibly assimilated into the other semitic tribes)
And Egypt is all Muslim now…
Uncleanness in the Camp
(The bible’s rules on Camping aka these dudes think of everything)
9 When you are encamped against your enemies, keep away from everything impure. 10 If one of your men is unclean because of a nocturnal emission, he is to go outside the camp and stay there. 11 But as evening approaches he is to wash himself, and at sunset he may return to the camp.
No wet dreams for you soldier!
12 Designate a place outside the camp where you can go to relieve yourself. 13 As part of your equipment have something to dig with, and when you relieve yourself, dig a hole and cover up your excrement. 14 For the LORD your God moves about in your camp to protect you and to deliver your enemies to you. Your camp must be holy, so that he will not see among you anything indecent and turn away from you.
God knows when you are sleeping, he knows when you’re awake, he knows if you been bad or good, so bring a shovel to cover up your shit and pee.
Miscellaneous Laws
15 If a slave has taken refuge with you, do not hand him over to his master. 16 Let him live among you wherever he likes and in whatever town he chooses. Do not oppress him.
Today’s modern slave is without doubt the undocumented mexican/polish/ etc immigrant worker. If you report them, or work as a minute-man etc etc you have just violated gods law. At least the Catholic church is living up to this… if they didn’t all of these catholic followers might just call them on their shit. $7.50 an hour? AKA $15,600 per year… that’s slave wages folks.
17 No Israelite man or woman is to become a shrine prostitute. 18 You must not bring the earnings of a female prostitute or of a male prostitute [c] into the house of the LORD your God to pay any vow, because the LORD your God detests them both.
No pimps or Hoes at church.
9 Do not charge your brother interest, whether on money or food or anything else that may earn interest. 20 You may charge a foreigner interest, but not a brother Israelite, so that the LORD your God may bless you in everything you put your hand to in the land you are entering to possess.
How far can I take this? Christians / Jews can’t own banks or credit card companies, or else they must discriminate against others of their faith/tribe etc… Nor should you own a savings account where you earn interest.
21 If you make a vow to the LORD your God, do not be slow to pay it, for the LORD your God will certainly demand it of you and you will be guilty of sin. 22 But if you refrain from making a vow, you will not be guilty. 23 Whatever your lips utter you must be sure to do, because you made your vow freely to the LORD your God with your own mouth.
24 If you enter your neighbor’s vineyard, you may eat all the grapes you want, but do not put any in your basket. 25 If you enter your neighbor’s grainfield, you may pick kernels with your hands, but you must not put a sickle to his standing grain.
Two things A. If you say it you better come true (I’m going to hell for not showing up to a party) and B. It’s not stealing if I take Sweet Corn from a field! Sweet!
The Bible sure is interesting….
Mr. T says you’re the fuckin’ turkey this thanksgiving.
What’s thanksgiving? Originally it was to coincide with the Church of England’s harvest fest to give thanks to GOD. So that automatically rules me out. We used it to coincide with a Native American harvest festival to try and smooth over things with them so they wouldn’t kill us wimpy pilgrims over the winter.
Fast forward to today where this holiday is a celebration of our consumerism and gluttony.
Consumerism and Black Friday:
Thanksgiving is celebrated the 4th Thursday of each month most people have the Friday after off of work this day is known as black Friday where for the first time most stores go from in the red to in the black (turning profit). We are giving the day off so that we can go and shop and begin buying Christmas gifts. This is certainly mostly targeted the middle and upper middle class who can afford gift giving. Why else would there be football games on thanksgiving if not to get you watching the commercials for shit you don’t need in-between game footage brought to you by best buy and Wal-Mart. Why would Macy’s sponsor the thanksgiving parade? Well so you remember the day after to shop at Macys… and Macys can suck a dick for getting rid of the Marshall Fields name. Buy Buy Buy… I’m just glad I’m not a Christian and not even middle class so I am not a target for this psychological warfare played on the country. I will spend Friday with the one I care most about and see a concert.
Gluttony…. Part 2 of thanksgiving is stuffing your faces with turkey (not a bad good to eat at all) and then the stuffing and sweet potatoes (minus the candy and mushroom coating is a healthy food) and pies loads of pies and all sorts of other crap we don’t need. People will eat and eat watch their football and their commercials. Then when the games are over they drift their fat asses off to bed and wake up bright and early to go buy shit they don’t need.
So this thanksgiving I will be out and about, I will be attending two thanksgiving meals, attempting to stay true to my diet with what is offered. Because as so many of you will be drifting away into turkey induced nap nap time, I’ll be pushing out some squats and turning that great source of protein into muscle mass.
#4 I once was a coalminer’s daughter
I once was a coalminer’s daughter
I watched the news last night before bed and was told that 12 or 13 coal miners trapped for 2 days or so had been found a live, and I saw all these fat women with mullets praising the lord, and I saw all these white trash kids talking about how their prayers saved their daddy….. Then I wake up this morning and what do I see. Only 1 survived and 12 were dead, the celebrating gone, now these same people were saying they didn’t believe in god… Aparently the truth was told 3 hours after the good new when there was some miscommunication. Anyways everyone here at work is like “isn’t it soooo sad aboujt them…” and I say no…. its not 12 US soldiers/marines die in Iraq every week and a half… and I don’t see them giving a shit, or the news etc… they arn’t there to film the families, they report a number with no name…. They are talking now about holding the mining company accountable, but no one is holding the gov accountable for the war’s dead.
Your prayers are a waste of time, it doesn’t matter if everyone in the whole world is praying it will have no change on the outcome made by our actions in conjunction with nature. Prayer does work, think back on all the things you have prayed for “I want grandpa to pull through this cancer” denied “I want a million dollars” denied “Please god let me pass this test” Accepted (with a D+) “please god make daddy stop drinking” accepted (daddy dies in an autoaccident) “please god bring my son home from the coal mine / war” some accepted some denied… there are no rules to there is no god. Both of these unfortunate things should be reported equally or not at all.. and when a reporter says “We are all praying for you” hes a liar, because some of us don’t do the supersticious meditation game.
#1 The new face of creationism “intelligent design”
So the Christian think tanks got together and started a new campaign to put a face on creationism, because even their own followers know its bullshit and the idea that world was created in 7 days is supersticious tribal nonesense from prehistoric times. Back when they didn’t have science….. so realizing this the christians are budging a little, but still wanna sneak in their crazy bullshit… just this time with a neeewwww face… Intelligent design. Intelligent design rules out natural selection, suggests everything that is alive or dead is for a great purpose, and that everything like DNA had to be created by somthing intelligent IE goD. They are giving up the idea that the world is 3000 years old…. and they always have some nutty right wing Doctor sellings this this “doctor” has a Doctorate in Theology and is a reverend… but never mind all that….. they want this taught in the schools. The often bring up flaws in darwins theories (because the more they talk about those one day everyone will think its wrong, but there are many more truths to the theory than problems with it) but just like every right wing campaign, they will lie and lie and lie and lie until you believe it.. IE (weapons of mass distruction, sadam was envolved in 9/11 etc…)
We rarely attack the flaws in their ideas though. We respect their right to a religion and we just want to be left alone ourselves. Well I am done respecting because this shit is poison. Lets look at the holiest of holy miracles. The birth of jesus…. Jesus is the son of god and good aparently sooo does this mean god cloned himself and planted the egg made with cloned embreo…. He had to get that thing in there somehow, turkey baister? Maybe he used a straw… something she would notice though as she was sleeping… needle? must have been a needle, god had needles? god got metal… the whole miracle is getting that seamon filled egg past the hymen without fall out in do it all 2000 years ago… Also interesting is the same word used for Virgin in Greek also ment young girl… so in the translation from greek to English they may have chosen to focus on the virgin park and not the possibility she was simply young and a whore and got knock up by her boyfriend before they were married (the same kinda people christians love to hate today and blame for all the problems today) so jesus is born and growns up he asks his dad about sex, his dad tells him don’t do it until you are married, he says but I was born before you and mom were married… Joseph stammers and trys to come up with an idea ahhhh you were a miracle … yeah thats a right a miracle of from god… yer not my son, my son ain’t no bastard you are gods son…. so you have an impressionable kid told one lie and then travels the middleeast the rest of his life with his magic show spreading this lie…. Now think doesn’t my explaination makes sense, or is just as possible as theres. And we both have things in common I JUST MADE THAT UP and THEY MADE UP THEIR SHIT YEARS AGO……
I don’t want my children taught a fairy tale in high school, fairy tales are for kindergarten…. I don’t want a teacher that thinks that the world was created in 7 days by a mystical father figure that hangs out is the clouds above us known as heaven (even though we havn’t found it yet or know where it is, but its just up thats all…. and when the sun blows up in a million years will heaven blow up? do they get overcrouded? can you fuck in heaven?) anywho I want my kids to be inspired to discover and be creative in finding out more about our past, and not fed lies.
thank you
