Deuteronomy xxiii – The rules beyond the commandments… are you living up to them?
The Bible will be in bold, I’ll be in Italics
Exclusion From the Assembly
1 No one who has been emasculated by crushing or cutting may enter the assembly of the LORD.
Lets define the big word first so we are all on the same page… Emasculation is the removal of the genitalia of a male, notably the penis and/or the testicles, either by surgery, violence, or by accident (see castration). By extension, it also means to render less of a man, or to make a male feel less of a man by subjecting him to humiliation.
So, you can not go to Church if:
You have had a testicle removed due to cancer “Sorry Lance Armstrong, you might live strong but no Church for you”
You have been the victim of castration: John Bobbit, no church for you
You have had a vasectomy: Sorry Charlie, better keep making good christian children.
Another thing to think about is, why is it in the bible? Was there really that big of a castrated crowd trying to get into the temples that they had to only let real men into admission. Who crushes balls? The bible was written when a common enough crime to get into the text was crushing of testicles… wow and to more “truths” hahah
2 No one born of a forbidden marriage [a](or one of illegitimate birth) nor any of his descendants may enter the assembly of the LORD, even down to the tenth generation.
Ok this is really going to limit the population in churches…. What is the bibles definition of forbidden marriage (in the past in the US that would include interracial marriage) Forbidden, as in parents didn’t approve? Forbidden as in a Jew marrying a Catholic. Now this isn’t just the unapproved marriage, this is the next 10 fucking generations. My great great grandfather, although a “good Christian” did marry his cousin. This is seen here in the US as forbidden, thus I am not allowed in church and neither are my kids, grandkids, great grandkids, great great grandkids and great great great grandkids. The next part is illegitimate birth… didn’t say illegitimate conception though… so rape victims (we know from the pro-life movement must keep the child) must marry their attackers if they want to go to church, what a wonderful way to find a wife. (I think I just vomited a little in my mouth.) Any unmarried folks with kids… congrats no 10% tithing for you.
3 No Ammonite or Moabite or any of his descendants may enter the assembly of the LORD, even down to the tenth generation. 4 For they did not come to meet you with bread and water on your way when you came out of Egypt, and they hired Balaam son of Beor from Pethor in Aram Naharaim [b That is northwest Mesopotamia] to pronounce a curse on you. 5 However, the LORD your God would not listen to Balaam but turned the curse into a blessing for you, because the LORD your God loves you. 6 Do not seek a treaty of friendship with them as long as you live.
Ok who are these evil dooers?
Ammonite- An extinct kind of shell-fish or a Tribe of the Children of Ammon …… very similar and from the same region as Israelites. They were located in what is today Jordan and were allied with Moabs.
Moabite – Another tribe from the Jordanian area….
So this is why we are in Iraq?
7 Do not abhor an Edomite, for he is your brother. Do not abhor an Egyptian, because you lived as an alien in his country. 8 The third generation of children born to them may enter the assembly of the LORD.
Edomite: A tribe/kingdom from what is today Israel that was not of Jewish Faith and preferred to worship a mountain god (western Semitic) called Kaus. Basically disappeared during the Roman occupation of the region (possibly assimilated into the other semitic tribes)
And Egypt is all Muslim now…
Uncleanness in the Camp
(The bible’s rules on Camping aka these dudes think of everything)
9 When you are encamped against your enemies, keep away from everything impure. 10 If one of your men is unclean because of a nocturnal emission, he is to go outside the camp and stay there. 11 But as evening approaches he is to wash himself, and at sunset he may return to the camp.
No wet dreams for you soldier!
12 Designate a place outside the camp where you can go to relieve yourself. 13 As part of your equipment have something to dig with, and when you relieve yourself, dig a hole and cover up your excrement. 14 For the LORD your God moves about in your camp to protect you and to deliver your enemies to you. Your camp must be holy, so that he will not see among you anything indecent and turn away from you.
God knows when you are sleeping, he knows when you’re awake, he knows if you been bad or good, so bring a shovel to cover up your shit and pee.
Miscellaneous Laws
15 If a slave has taken refuge with you, do not hand him over to his master. 16 Let him live among you wherever he likes and in whatever town he chooses. Do not oppress him.
Today’s modern slave is without doubt the undocumented mexican/polish/ etc immigrant worker. If you report them, or work as a minute-man etc etc you have just violated gods law. At least the Catholic church is living up to this… if they didn’t all of these catholic followers might just call them on their shit. $7.50 an hour? AKA $15,600 per year… that’s slave wages folks.
17 No Israelite man or woman is to become a shrine prostitute. 18 You must not bring the earnings of a female prostitute or of a male prostitute [c] into the house of the LORD your God to pay any vow, because the LORD your God detests them both.
No pimps or Hoes at church.
9 Do not charge your brother interest, whether on money or food or anything else that may earn interest. 20 You may charge a foreigner interest, but not a brother Israelite, so that the LORD your God may bless you in everything you put your hand to in the land you are entering to possess.
How far can I take this? Christians / Jews can’t own banks or credit card companies, or else they must discriminate against others of their faith/tribe etc… Nor should you own a savings account where you earn interest.
21 If you make a vow to the LORD your God, do not be slow to pay it, for the LORD your God will certainly demand it of you and you will be guilty of sin. 22 But if you refrain from making a vow, you will not be guilty. 23 Whatever your lips utter you must be sure to do, because you made your vow freely to the LORD your God with your own mouth.
24 If you enter your neighbor’s vineyard, you may eat all the grapes you want, but do not put any in your basket. 25 If you enter your neighbor’s grainfield, you may pick kernels with your hands, but you must not put a sickle to his standing grain.
Two things A. If you say it you better come true (I’m going to hell for not showing up to a party) and B. It’s not stealing if I take Sweet Corn from a field! Sweet!
The Bible sure is interesting….
3 Responses to 'Deuteronomy xxiii – The rules beyond the commandments… are you living up to them?'
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
on July 18th, 2007 at 9:14 pm
No wonder why the KKK and Nazi’s like G. Dubbaya loves Jesus so much.
Awsome research and analysis!!!!!!!
on August 6th, 2007 at 3:24 pm
Hey Machetti,
Just so you know, many of the Jewish laws Jesus made obsolete by his radical teachings. One of the reasons they crucified him is because of his defiance of many Jewish laws. Mary Magdalene was a prostitute, and Jesus’s teachings were centered around forgiving all people instead of just the chosen people (which in the Old Testament’s case is the Jewish).
The purpose of the Old Testament in the Bible in a Christian’s view, therefore, is as one of encouragement in knowing the “awesome power of God.”
If I met ANY Christians that followed these laws, I would be extremely surprised.
It just gets me off when people don’t understand the difference between the two religions, outside of the use of the New Testament.
Part of the problem with many religions is that texts are misinterpreted by those in or outside of said religion. It might do you some good to actually read the Bible, the Koran, and other religious texts in full just to better understand the religion in and of itself. In the case of Christianity, it would do you best to read the New Testament FIRST before you go making assumptions about Christians and the Old Testament.
That being said, it is good to have an interpretation of the Bible and it’s texts, but it may be wise for you to change the word “church” to “temple” and the word “Christian” to “Jew.” That’s all I have to say.
on August 6th, 2007 at 8:07 pm
Here is where I’m confused Joe. Why would I read the new testimate before the “old” …. That simply doesn’t follow chronology.
I have read both texts in multiple interpretations. I have read the Quaran.
I would suggest reading many pre Christian “Pagan” Texts… Those of Dionysis, Osirus, the Magi etc… and you will discover how much of the new testiment is plagerism of these texts and stories which date hundreds of years before the supposed date of Jesus. The literallist christians have done their best to stigmatize these texts and faiths, destroying as much as they could, yet still celebrating christmas on December 25th. Ever wonder why December 25th isn’t in the New Testimate? Because, like all of the other things, it was made up.
I encourage you to read the prechristian myths of the world, and you will discover that the new testimate is simply a jewish myth religion.
You state -”Just so you know, many of the Jewish laws Jesus made obsolete by his
radical teachings. One of the reasons they crucified him is because of
his defiance of many Jewish laws.”
I say: that’s your interpretation, but Jesus never said anything like that in the new testimate. If so why not give a list of what needs to go? If it so obsolete why not take it out of the NRSV King James?
Don’t blame me for the silliness in the book. If you believe that nocternal emmisions are unclean and reason to drive someone out of camp, enjoy, but I’d rather refer to science on the phenomonon and not bullshit superstitious nonsense. We now know 83% of men experience this is in their lifetime, but back then it scared their ignorant minds.
I encourage you to rise above and question a book written by man, in the same way you question ancient traditions, question all traditions. In the US we have used this text to support Slavery, Seggregation, The Legal Murder of Mormons, the subjugation of women, and the disgusting foreign policy of imperialism our country carries out today.
If the old testimate isn’t ment to be part of the Christian faith, take it out of the Bible.